I'm barely a month into my new full-time gig and I'm already seeing what tends to go off kilter when attempting the balancing act of working outside of the home. Of course I was most concerned with Q and Z adjusting to me being away more often. But there were adjustments I didn't anticipate in the mad rush to find childcare and prep myself for a new work world. Ones that proved to be more difficult than I could have imagined.
First, I forgot to prepare T for the hour or two every evening that he would have the kiddos alone. You know, what we like to call the "unhappy hour" that hits right around dinnertime. And of course I started the job the same week that daylight savings time kicked in, so it was extra fun for him. Poor guy. Bad wife! But he is adjusting well now and figuring out what works and what doesn't when juggling the two littles before mama walks in the door. And he's been an awesome partner and source of support for me during this transition. I'm sure I need to do more to hold up my end of the partnership, though.
|Some of the besties helping me celebrate my bday last month.|
Second -- and what's really been on my mind lately -- is feeling too guilty to spend my Saturdays and Sundays away from the kids. Or my weekday evenings. And honestly, it's more than guilt. I miss my babies and want to soak up all the time I can with them when I'm not working. I hope beyond hope that Z will hit a milestone on the weekend so that I can be there to share it with her and that Q will be down for extra cuddle time. But somehow this spring has sprung full of events. And not the kind with bouncy houses. What I took for granted when I worked from home and had more time with my kids is that I was better able to balance time with friends. Well, let's be real here. It wasn't ideal, but it was manageable. Now I find myself declining invites to spa days and wine tastings. By the way, where were these invites before I started this job? Everything comes down all at once, it seems.
My friends have always been such a central part of my life. I'm incredibly lucky and grateful to have the group of friends that I do. My mom used to regularly remark on how special my group of friends was. We love each other like family, and that's why it's so difficult to find the weeks flying by without much QT with my BFFs.
So, friends in real life, if you're reading, let me take a moment to apologize. Please know I haven't forgotten about you. I think of you often. I even make plans in my head to call you after the kids go to bed. But then there's the laundry to fold and the dishes to do and the TV goes on and my head hits the pillow. It's not an excuse. It's just my current reality. And it won't be forever. I'll get more settled in my routine and hopefully not be so freakin' exhausted. Before we know it, we'll be complaining about how the kids don't want to be around us at all. How embarrassing we are. (Muahaha, I can't wait to embarrass them.) But I do plan to see you before then. That is a promise.