"Why? Why? Tell 'em that it's human nature" ~ Michael Jackson
As a relatively new parent, particularly when it comes to parenting more than one at a time, I have many questions about the normalcy of my household. And my sanity (or lack thereof). Perhaps these are the questions I would ask my mom if she were still only a phone call away. In desperate times, I sometimes look toward the ceiling and ask these questions aloud as if some response will magically rain down from the popcorn (don't worry -- our home was a built in 1979, so no asbestos; phew, now we can enjoy the chic, vintage texture of our ceilings without fearing for our lives!). But really I direct these to all experts in parenting. I'm looking at you, incredible mom or dad of more than two kids.
1. Is it normal for a 3 year old to stick his finger down his baby sister's throat?
2. Is it normal for the mother to then stick her finger down her son's throat and ask "now does that feel good?" And proceed to burst into tears for doing so and convince herself that she's damaged him for life?
3. Is it expected that a mother would simultaneously do anything for a good night's sleep and stay up late just to have more than a few minutes to herself?
4. Is it expected to struggle through conversations with an adult because your daily language has been reduced to the words "no, we don't do that", "gentle", "these are your choices", and "no more kind nums"?
5. Why do I want to sniff my kids constantly like a freakin' police dog? Why do they smell better than anything else in the world (most of the time)?
6. Oh! Also, is lifting your kid's backside to your nose an acceptable way to check for a dirty diaper?
7. Why do I want to get the h-e-doublehockeysticks out of my house in the morning only to want to rush home again at the end of the work day?
8. Is it okay to keep a child in his crib until he's old enough to sit in a car without a carseat? (Don't you have to be like 15 now to ride in a car without some sort of harnessed safety contraption?)
9. Is it typical to experience overwhelming joy, confusion, all-consuming anger, anxiety, and grief all within a 3 minute period while sitting on your family room floor? And I'm not talking about the 3 year old here.
I guess I just want someone to tell me that this crazytown formerly known as Guido is at least somewhat run of the mill. You know, par for the parenting course.