"Will things ever be the same again? It's the final countdown" ~ Europe
Patience, oh patience, wherefore art thou, patience?
This virtue is eluding me as I am well into my 39th week of this pregnancy. A place I have never been before. So, I guess I can look at this waiting period from a different perspective -- this baby girl is giving me a new experience. One in which I have to work on keeping myself in the moment and enjoying our family of 3 for a bit longer. But it's a challenge. Growing discomfort, fluctuating emotions, constant trips to the bathroom, intense pressure, a dwindling amount of clothing that covers this belly. And every Braxton Hicks raises my hopes that I'll be able to meet LL face to face in a few hours and give her a real name, only to be met with crushing defeat when they stop. T suggests we name her Braxton.
I'm in a constant battle between wanting to try different tricks to induce labor, from having my OB strip my membranes at my last appointment on Wednesday to talking walks, and attempting to just let myself relax and go with the flow. The walks are actually good for both bringing on more contractions and for making myself feel better. But I have to admit that I wake up every morning feeling a bit disappointed that another day has passed and true labor has yet to begin. And when I think of her possibly coming several days late, it seems like an eternity to wait. Perhaps there will be a time when I look back at this and laugh at myself for being in such a rush. Or want to smack myself.
When I think back to my attitude during the last weeks of Q's pregnancy, I wish I could recapture that ease and positivity. His coming 10 days early was such blessing, and he was a healthy 8 pounds 3 ounces, so he was obviously ready for the world. I hadn't become impatient and I was so excited to experience labor for the first time. Truly. I had very little fear. I wanted to meet him desperately, but I was enjoying my maternity leave. The day before I went into labor I had lunch followed by yummy ice cream at Fenton's with my parents and then went to a movie that night with my dear friend Autumn. So, of course we went to Fenton's last night for dinner. I then attempted to watch a movie On Demand while T dozed off, but I was too uncomfortable to really enjoy it. Or maybe it was the movie that sucked.
Maybe this girl needs a little more chub on her. She's not quite baked yet. Or maybe she'll be here tonight! I need to chant a mantra to myself. I need that easygoing way back again. Be in the moment. Be in the moment. Be in the moment. Be in the moment. Be in the moment . . .