"You really want to hole up? You really want to stay inside and sleep the light away?" ~ Cults
I don't know if every mother experiences this feeling. This feeling of utter failure. Like you're not trying hard enough. Like your child's world is imploding and you're not strong enough to handle it. To be a sane role model. To be sane, period. Like when your 2 year old gets diagnosed with pneumonia and you can't get him to take his medicine. When he spits it out all over himself and you multiple times and you break down. When you're so bogged down by his illness that you can't get it together to give your husband a proper Father's Day gift or spoil him. Failing at wife-dom, too. When giving yourself a mental beating just feels pathetic. What time is it? It's time for a freakin' gratitude list.
Tonight I need to remember what really matters. It's time to cease and desist with the pity party already.
I'm thankful that Q is on the path to recovery and that his situation is not as bad as it could be. He has every right to be irritable and frustrated. He doesn't understand why he feels so horrible and why I can't just make it better. At least he is getting better.
I'm grateful that today was a beautiful day in the Bay weather-wise. The sun was shining, the sky was a clear blue, and it's hard to be mad at that.
I'm thankful that Q gets to spend the day with his Poppa tomorrow. Q and I both need a break from each other, and my dad looks forward to every Monday with his grandson. They have the most precious bond.
I'm grateful that T is incredibly understanding. That he remembers that my emotions are on overdrive right now and that we've all had an insane week.
I'm thankful that so far all is well with this baby girl growing in my belly and that I have much to look forward to as she enters the world.
I'm grateful that this weekend is over. Real talk.