Monday, May 09, 2011

Mother's Day: A Mixed Bag

"Place no one above you, you are appreciated" ~ Tupac (as inspired by the musical card I received from my in laws that actually played this song)

Ahh, Mother's Day. Is it a Hallmark holiday? Does it make those without mamas in their lives just feel crappier about their situation, much like single folks on Valentine's Day? And shouldn't we honor mothers every day anyway? But then again, don't mamas deserve a day in which we're treated extra special? When this seemingly thankless job turns into -- at least for one day -- a job full of loving gestures and heaps of gratefulness? These questions reflect this year's Mother's Day conundrum for me.

I was not looking forward to the holiday this year. Last year I was fine. And the year before was my first so that was kind of exciting. Even though I had lost my own mom a mere 3 months before. But for some reason, this year the thought of Mother's Day made me want to curl up in bed with a steady supply of chocolate and escapist movies. Perhaps it's because I'm pregnant and emotions are always so close to the bubbling over point. Perhaps it's because a third Mother's Day without my mom was just too much to bear. Maybe I was simply tired.

Me & Mamasay, Kauai 2007

Still, I knew that I couldn't stay in bed all day. No matter what my excuses were. Pregnant and tired. Grieving for my mom. Because I certainly had reason to celebrate and be with family. My beautiful Q and this baby girl in my belly allow me the privilege of claiming this day. I am so fortunate. And even though I can't be with my mom, I can honor my mother in law who gave life to my amazing T and who dotes endlessly upon my Q. I knew that I was being selfish to want to hide out. I don't want to dwell on what I'm lacking on Mother's Day. No matter how tempting.

So, after T whisked Q away in the morning to allow me to sleep in a bit, he made a delicious pancake breakfast. We then got ready to visit my mom at the cemetery and pay a quick visit to my dad (who gave me chocolate -- wheee!). Then upon returning home, we all napped. Heaven! Later we headed to T's brother's house for a BBQ where we could bestow gifts upon Q's "Nan" and stuff ourselves with assorted grilled goodies, salads, and pie. Q and T also gave me a gorgeous potted orchid and a gift certificate for a mani/pedi at my favorite spot. Oh yes, I was able to find the joy in the day.

Even though spending the day with my mom would have been ideal, I still felt the gift of her love. Of her legacy that I hope to continue on as I grow into my motherhood. She gave me the most exquisite example of mothering. Of graciousness, generosity, humor, and love. And that alone should compel me to celebrate Mother's Day every year. Sure, some years will be harder than others. I accept that. But I will try to honor her every Mother's Day by reveling in what I am so blessed to have -- a fabulous family. Past, present, and future. 

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful post! And, I can relate to your feelings of being sad around holidays that remind me of your mom. It's sad and very hard, but you just have to take each day at a time. I also have to make an effort to remember the importance of honoring my dad's memory by choosing to honor those in my life right now.

    Happy Mother's Day! And, hugs!