I miss my mom in countless ways. I really could go and on listing all of the things I miss about her. She was the perfect mom for me and my sister. Truly. Nothing and no one can fill the enormous hole her passing has left in my life. But as the song goes, I get by with a little help from my friends.
I figure a nice way to keep her thriving in spirit is to share memories from time to time. I understand that people feel uncomfortable broaching the subject of my mom for fear of upsetting me. But I love to talk about her. It's not painful for me on most days, and if it's hard to talk about, I will tell you. And if I end up crying a bit, that's okay too. She was such a positive force in my life and in the lives of all she encountered, it brings me more joy than sorrow to remember her. The sheer number of people who attended her viewing blew me away, but it revealed how loved she was and what a positive impact she had made. And that I wasn't just a biased daughter who thought the sun shone out of her mom's
One of the things I miss most about my mom? We used to have this time together we called "girly fun." It probably started when I was in middle school. I was having friend drama, feeling so uncool and worthless -- as we all do at that age -- and she kept me sane. Not only sane, she kept me smiling. The name "girly fun" is somewhat misleading because we didn't do a spa day or go shopping or do each other's hair and makeup. We did that stuff sometimes too, but our girly fun was simpler. We would just curl up in my bed and gossip and talk and vent and giggle. I'm sure I did the majority of the venting, but, boy, did we love to talk! My dad would peak into my room on occasion and ask what we were doing, and we would say, in unison, "We're having girly fun," and crack ourselves right up. He would roll his eyes and move on. But it was the best. The best! We had these moments throughout high school, when I'd come home on breaks from college, and even in her last years when she was sick. I would crawl into bed with her. We would talk and talk and then take a nap together.
I hope I can always have that sort of cozy, safe time with Q and with his future sibling (no, I'm not pregnant -- but if things go as planned, he will one day have a sibling). Not girly fun necessarily, but just that sense of security and warmth. Cozy fun maybe? Of all the lovely gifts my mom had given me, girly fun was one of the best. And it's one I'd love to pass on.