"Victoria won't be no secret at the end of the day, it's our anniversary" ~ Tony! Toni! Tone!
|In front of Arenal Volcano, Costa Rica|
Five years ago when T and I were putting the final touches on our wedding CD favor, the whole wedding event was stressing me out more than I wanted to admit. The ridiculousness of the wedding industry had gotten to me. Honestly, I was living for Costa Rica. I already knew the wedding day itself would be anticlimactic. But the honeymoon? Oh, I was counting down. And when I think back to October of five years ago, visions of table centerpieces and our special champagne flutes do not dance in my head. I think of the glorious honeymoon.
You might have guessed by now that I wasn't one of those girls who always dreamed of her perfect princess wedding. I never had a wedding wishes binder. And it's kind of surprising when I think about it since I was pretty much a girly-girl. But I was never a planner. So, when T popped the big question on my birthday in March, I knew that I wanted to just do it already and not be agonizing over the little details for over a year. We decided on a fall wedding and figured we could whip everything together in 7 months. If I had realized the frenzy this short time span would send us into, I'm sure I would have drawn out the engagement a bit more. We didn't have a whole lot of time to "enjoy the engagement" as people say -- I thought they were crazy when they suggested this. No, it was just me. I was the crazy one.
People told me my wedding day would be the happiest day of my life. It wasn't. I doubt it was the happiest day of Toby's life either. Not that we didn't have a blast with our family and friends. Not that it wasn't a beautiful, incredible memory. Not that we didn't feel the love that day. We certainly did. But there's too much pressure surrounding that day. Kind of like the pressure to have a perfect New Year's Eve party, as if it sets the tone for the rest of the year. It was a wonderful day. But not perfect. I think our marriage has improved with each passing year. In all honesty, we were going through a rough period back then. We're working up to perfection. I mean, what's the fun in starting with perfection anyway? So, I'd rather focus on how far we've come and why I love this Tobdog/Godbot guy.
We started dating in college when I was 19 and he was 18. We exchanged mixtapes. He left graffiti-inspired love drawings around my apartment. Bombed around town in the wee hours. Hey, young world -- it was a hip-hop courtship. Late night Cartoon Network provided the backdrop for our first kiss. Romantic! We spent one year living in different cities when I graduated, then knew we couldn't be apart ever again, and moved in together in SF when he graduated. Then we moved to Oakland and cosigned on a condo. We worked, and, when we could, expressed ourselves through art, dance, music, and writing. We got married after 8 years of dating. We got pregnant after 3 years of marriage. We have evolved together.
Q's arrival kickstarted the next phase of our lives. We found and bought the house we hope to live in as a family forever. And now we celebrate 5 years of marriage in our family of 3. We are different people now. But still trying to figure out our lives. Living in the moment as always but starting to look forward more and more. Still evolving.
I love my husband for infinite reasons. I will try not to induce a gagfest (too late!), but allow me this day to indulge in a bit of cheese. I love my Tobdog for always making me laugh. For knowing me better than anyone and still telling me he loves me every day. For making me feel beautiful when I need it most. For keeping me sane -- or at least attempting to. For his genuine work ethic, for working so hard for his family and for himself. For his generous spirit. For his pizza addiction that I publicly lament but secretly adore. For the yellow spot in his blue eyes. For being such an affectionate dad to Q. For lub, oil, and filter. Forever.
Happy 5 years, Tob! Here's to creating our own perfection year by year.