"Oh baby, can't we give it one more try?" ~ Timmy T
Pretty much as soon as Q's sizable head popped out, I was faced with one unfortunate reality of motherhood. No, not the burning sensation of delivery (like how I played that one down?). The other burning sensation. The one in your brain. That's right. Self-doubt. There I was in awe of this little creature in my arms who was the perfect blend of T and me, who had known immediately to latch on and nurse. But of course, I was also thinking, am I holding him right? Is he comfortable? My doula is watching me. My mom and dad are watching me. They know what nursing is supposed to look like. And so it began.
But the harder realization came when I started reading the Babycenter.com community discussions and more and more mom blogs. It seemed like so many moms had chosen the right direction for their families. They knew what kind of moms they wanted to be. I, on the other hand, vacillated between attachment-style parenting and wanting Q to be on a schedule. I once had some grand plans for being a superstar mom, but I started feeling more like a mediocre mom.
But as I watch Q grow and I grow each day in this crazy world called mama-hood, I'm starting to embrace my mediocrity. I'm finding what makes sense for our family. I may have felt a twinge of guilt here and there about these things, but now, it's like, whatever works, mama!
Evidence of my mom mediocrity:
- I don't use cloth diapers on Q, even though I fully believe that it would be the best thing for the environment and possibly for Q's booty. All it took was one horror story from my mom about cloth diapers and I was off of that boat. Thanks for twisting my arm, Mom.
- I wanted to make all of Q's baby food myself. But then T's mom started buying us all of this nice organic baby food, and that was SO convenient. I probably made about 40% of his baby food instead. Now I cook 90% of his meals, but I'm not ashamed to admit I'm a mediocre cook at best.
- I gave up on signing with Q after the first month of trying.
- I totally dropped the ball on Q's baby book and I don't scrapbook or do anything crafty.
- We saved a clipping from his first haircut and I look it and wonder, what's the point? What am I going to do with it anyway?
- I never sent a birth announcement. Mediocre sounds like a compliment right about now.
- I insist that Q call me Flyrish.
Okay, that last one is a lie. But the rest I own. Sometimes, as moms, we need to cut ourselves some slack. We need to stop focusing so much on what we're not doing and look at what we're proud of, our little accomplishments as mothers. So, um, yeah, I'll have to get back to you all on that . . .
This post has been entered in this week's Word Up, Yo! meme. Check it.